Posts filed under Letters to my girls

Things I want to remember... 2+ years

Because time flies and you blink and all that was big and important becomes small and distant. 

I was looking back through old photos... bless it... I should never do that unless I'm prepared to ugly cry uncontrollably. But alas, I did and I was remembering the things about the girls at that stage and laughed and cried and was like... oh my gosh, how could I forget these things already?! And WHAT ARE THE THINGS THAT I DON'T REMEMBER? to which I had a mini panic attack at the thought of me not remembering EVERY LITTLE DETAIL... So here I am. Tired from potty training bootcamp... and I'm making a list of the things that I want to remember. 

It's not gonna be a fancy well written blog post bc I aint got time for that. But if I never jot these things down, I'll regret it later. So here we go...

Noel 2 years 10 months:

  • You are joyful and goofy. You just learned that you are funny and can make us laugh... and you totally use that to your benefit. Keep up the good work. You've gotten out of many spankings that way. 
  • You have a way with words and sentences. Both you and your sister were a little slow to the speaking game and y'all talked in your twin language as long as you possibly could... but you my little one started figuring out syntax and word structure quite quickly once you got started. We DIE laughing at the things you say. Our favorite of your phrases right now is your "I like..." series. We never taught you how to say "I like," but one day out of no where you said, "I yike chocyate," (which is very true) and then you started saying that for everything you see. So now, usually at least once a day you tell me that you "yike candy/cookies/cake/table/games/the y/Daddy/Chikayay (Chick Fil A)/baths/Kiki/Grammy/Papaw/GDaddy/Sissy" and whatever other random food or object that you can currently see. It's the best. The other day, a friend's mom brought in chocolate tomatoes (who know those were a thing? not me!), and she turned and asked you, "Do you like tomatoes?" And you promptly replied, "No, I yike chocolate." Touché my little one. Well played. 
  • You wink and raise your eyebrows to make us laugh... you especially like to do this to Uncle Dub. 
  • You like to kiss boo boo's. 
  • You still sleep with Po (hippo), but you're not quite as attached to him as you used to be. 
  • You are very independent and like to make your own decisions, but it takes you FOREVER to do so. Ie. You have strong opinions on WHAT color of popsicle you want, but you stand there FOREVER trying to decide and if I interrupt that process and just give you one, or coax you towards a color... glory heaven help me. Your independent and stubborn streak flares, because bless it, nobody puts this toddler in a corner. 
  • Speaking of colors, you know your colors, how to count to 10, and your ABC's. Of course, you frequently intermingle the ABC's and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star when singing them... "ABCDEFG, How I wonder what you are..." It's another fav of mine. 
  • And on the lines of singing... you LOVE to sing, and we LOVE to hear you sing. And surprisingly you and your sister have really good pitch for 2 year olds.
  • You're still the laid back one. But don't get too proud, you still have a feisty streak and can throw a mean temper tantrum. Your fuse is just longer, UNLESS you don't get your sleep... and then bless it... bless us all. You need your sleep or we ALL pay. 
  • You've stopped saying "Papi" and now say "Paci." You also usually don't call me "Baba" anymore and either call me "mama" or "Maba." Which... is entirely your dad's fault because he's been working with you on saying things correctly when I'm not looking. 
  • You LOVE people and aren't afraid of strangers AT ALL. You'll wave and talk to just about anyone at the grocery store. You especially love your sister. That makes me OH SO HAPPY to hear you ask for "Wisity."
  • You're very expressive. 

Felicity Hope 2 years 10 months

  • You are curious and sweet spirited. You are our little engineer wanting to know how everything works and what goes where. You love to figure stuff out and are SO proud when you accomplish a task. I can see it now, you will be the one most likely to color coordinate your school notes and have a planner... It's pretty adorable. 
  • Like I mentioned above, you're sweet spirited and it melts our hearts. You love to snuggle at night and if I'm not giving you enough attention you come up and put both hands on my face and turn my face towards yours and gently say, "Baba look" and smile.
  • You still say "papi" and "Baba" and I love you for it. Hold on to that baby talk as long as you'd like... (unless we get to middle school and you still have a papi... then we'll have other issues to resolve... but you get the idea). 
  •  You still sleep with doggy, but mainly because I keep putting him back in your bed at night (I have issues... i know). You go through phases when you want him, but right now, you like him but aren't too attached. 
  • But you know what you are REALLY attached to? Papis. We tried to take them all away and after 2 days of constant screaming... we finally caved and gave you back one. I mean you screamed for HOURS and wouldn't sleep. It was really quite impressive. I've read a ton of things on toddlers sleeping and almost all of it says that eventually you'll cry yourself to sleep. Nope. You proved them all wrong. On night #2 after HOURS of screaming (I think we were pushing hour #4...) we shoved a papi in your mouth and your eyes closed instantly. I wanted to scream and kiss you all at the same time. 
  • Speaking of tenacity. You are a fiery little one. Both of you were born red headed, but y'all quickly turned blonde. Yet I'm pretty sure that fiery red head is still in you. You have spunk, and sass, and when you set your mind to something, you're going to see it through. And as a result, you can throw some pretty legit temper tantrums, but in time that passion and tenacity will serve you well if you learn how to control and outlet it correctly. 
  • You're strong baby girl. You will move mountains. 
  • You are tender hearted and also love to kiss boo boo's. 
  • You love to clean and organize things. 
  • You love Mr. Hanks, a lot. Like a whole bunch. You love to give him treats and climb on him and pull his tail and roll around on him and hug him and feed him and... you get the idea. You like him a lot... and he's really good to you too. 
  • You're hesitant to people in the store, but you warm up quickly. Usually with people at the grocery store, you watch and observe them for a few seconds before you start talking to them. You're outgoing, but you usually have to assess the situation first before you just jump in. It's actually really fascinating to watch because you'll watch Noel, and sometimes you'll go along with her, but then other times you assess the situation and are like... nope. Not for me. Not gonna do that. And other times you're all in. I wouldn't classify the hesitancy as fear, rather it's more of an assessment. It'll be interesting to see this part of your personality develop. 
  • You love your friends big. You ask for "Hawee" (Holly) and for the grandparents often. I love that about you and Noel both. You also love your sister so well. When you ask for a cookie or snack, you almost always ask for two so you can give one to sissy. I can't tell you much my heart explodes whenever you do that. 
  • You love car rides and Target, and almost EVERY MORNING you say, "Baba, caw wide? Tawget?" Yes baby yes. Almost always... yes. 
  • You just discovered Mickey Mouse and are borderline obsessed. I'm not mad about it. 

You both are such a joy. People ask me all the time if I have a favorite... which COME ON PEOPLE... dumbest question ever (and we get a lot of dumb q's about having twins). And I always answer the same... Of course I do. But it changes every day and USUALLY the deciding factor is who is screaming less and let me sleep the longest. And that changes daily. So just for the record I love you both a lot and equally and... I like you both a lot and equally too. I absolutely LOVE that I can see clearly how God has gifted both of you uniquely and how He formed you both as twins, but individuals. He's given you a gift in each other, but I love that He has given you each different giftings to bless each other and the people around you. 

You won't remember these days, but I want to. I want to remember everything (thus the post). But I pray that what you do remember is the feeling that you have always been loved, adored, and cared for. You have two parents who think the world about you, who pray for you, who kiss your boo boo's and light up at your smile. And you have one parent who has serious issues and boohoos at milestones, and a sane parent who has to find the crazy parent ugly crying while digging out the papis out of the trash can and putting them in a keepsake box. Lucky for you... you have at least one normal parent. I apologize in advance for how my BIG LOVE for you will embarrass the snot out of you when your teenagers. But for real... you're loved oh so much.


Letters to My Girls: The Prayer I Stopped Praying

Baby girls,

The past year, like every year, has brought a thousand woes. I’ve seen families grieve empty seats at the table. New mamas leaving the hospital with empty blankets that should be full of new life, only to go home to an empty crib. Marriages on the rocks, full of hurt, betrayal, harsh words.  Women taking multiple pregnancy tests only to see one line appear over and over and over again. That foster mom who wonders how the child she has mothered over the last three years will do now that he’s beyond her care. Moms and Dads spending hours in hospitals advocating for their sick child. Friends hoping that this next relationship is the one, only to be heartbroken and left to attend weddings alone and face awkward questions… yet again. Parents fighting and praying for the wayward child.

It’s everywhere. Disappointment. Heartache. Brokenness. And I’ve come to the realization that I can’t control which heartaches you face.

Three years ago we had just found out that we were expecting the two of you. It was a joyous season full of celebration and preparation. Many nights I would lie awake rubbing my growing belly praying for you. Praying for God to grow you into women who love Him. Praying for God to shield you from the brokenness of this world.  That he would keep you from harm and hardship. That you would grow strong and healthy, and that you’d live a life that honors Him.

It is every mother’s prayer.

But my precious ones, my prayer has changed over the last few months.

Over the last year, I’ve watched my own mother pray hundreds of silent prayers for the Lord to take a burden from me. Again, it’s what we mothers do. When our children’s hearts break… ours do too. But through this dark season I’ve learned more about who God is as Abba Father than I have in the all my years of reading about Him. Without the pain I would have never fully known that when gray skies hover, God draws near to the brokenhearted.

Over the past year, I’ve learned that God doesn’t abandon his own in the storm. He doesn’t leave them alone to weather the dark skies, fierce wind, and never-ending rain; rather he builds a shelter and invites us in. Although he can part the Red Sea and calm the storm with just a few words, He doesn’t always make the clouds part and the sun shine when we want him to. But that doesn’t mean He is any less good. In fact, I’d wager that these hard seasons are when He does some of His best work. The real beauty from ashes stuff.

You see no one wants the ashes. No one wants to walk through the pain to get to the beauty. And no mother wants to watch her children walk through dark days. But I can no longer in good conscience pray for your life to be exempt from hardship, rejection, or pain. 

So I’ve stopped.

Instead, I’ve started begging the Lord to be near to you when the brokenness of this world comes knocking at your door. I’ve spent countless hours pleading with God to not allow hurt to crush or harden your heart, but instead to soften it towards your maker. I pray that you never get too comfortable and believe the lie that you can do this life without our Savior. And when hard moments remind you of this reality, I'm praying that you allow our God to do what he does best. I'm praying that you find his shelter and give him your ashes so he can turn them into something beautiful.

My little ones, you are strong, but He is stronger. And when you can’t feel God’s presence during difficult moments, I want you to stop trying to feel Him and instead look for His strong hand moving on your behalf. Look at the people he’s placed around you, the ways in which He’s provided, and mostly look to the cross and the empty tomb. Because when all else fails, that empty tomb brings more hope for our broken world than any other moment in history. And if that empty tomb is BIG enough to provide hope to all mankind, that means it’s big enough for your troubles too.

So I’m done praying for a trouble-free life. Not because I don’t love you, but because I love you too much. I love you too much to wish you to know a life without need of a great Savior. I love you too much to think I can control what your life holds. And I love you so much that it is my prayer, every morning and evening, that in your highest highs and your lowest lows you draw near to the one who loves you more than I.

Much love,

Posted on March 12, 2015 and filed under Twinsies, Letters to my girls.

Letters to My Girls: Two's

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I think every post that I have about the girls starts out with “Where does the time go?” or “Man Time flies…” and although I’d like to get creative and change it up a bit but… HOLY COW WHERE IN THE WORLD DOES THE TIME GO??????

I really just don’t get it.

I have two two year olds. Two walking, talking, sassy bundles of joy who sleep in big girl beds. There is so much to capture. So many moments I don’t want to forget and seeing how things change every time I blink... I better get started!

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There are a lot of fun things about this stage but a few of my fav things about this stage are your language learning skills, your wrestling/giggling matches, and your joy in discovering new things.

Ok… your language. I mean… your dad and I could sit around and listen to you “talk” all day. You’re definitely slow to talking, but it has been such a fun journey. You still twin talk, but amongst the twin babble there are real words. Some we can make out, others not so much. But every week you get better and better.  My personal favorite is that you get some of your labials mixed up. For example instead of saying “candle” you say “camble.” And instead of "paci" you say "papi." And although sometimes you call me “mama,” you also call me “Baba.” And “look” is “gook…” and so on and so on. We love it. And if you forever call me Baba, I’d be 100% ok with it. 

Ok… your wrestling matches. They. Are. Awesome. Like really really awesome. I think you might have a future in the WWF… ok maybe not… but your daddy & I get the biggest kick out of it. I’d go on and on… but I think this video is enough (fast forward to 35 sec and it gets going).

And this one is just of yall laughing... I mean... Be still my heart. Yall are awesome. (Also... I promise I dress you and bathe you... Promise. But let's keep it real. Some days are best spent in jammies and messy hair. These videos capture that. <3 )

And again… your joy. OOOOOOOF. It just makes my heart explode. I love how when you look in the sky and see and airplane or bird, your eyes light up and you yell “GOOK” or “OOOOH!” or “WOW!” Your eyes get large as saucers and my heart explodes, because I love looking at the world through your eyes.

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The newness. The awe. The joy.

Speaking of JOY.  You love your grandparents A LOT… and it’s a shame the feeling isn’t mutual. JUST KIDDING. It’s ridiculous how much they love you back. You love to facetime with Grammy & Papaw and when I ask you to give them kisses, you kiss the phone instead of blowing kisses, so by the time I’m done my phone is slobbery and disgusting. But Grammy & Papaw love it. Then there’s Kiki & Gdaddy. You flip out when you see them and start squealing and yelling “Geeeeeee-daddddeeee” & “KiKeeeee.” Now whenever we say their names you run to the front door, which is awesome if they’re coming… but incredibly unfortunate whenever they aren’t.  Hello terrible two’s.

Oh and speaking of terrible two’s. I pray that one day God will give you beautiful joyful babies who are just as passionate and opinionated as you are. You’re welcome for that. And that’s all I’ll say about that… other than this... terrible two’s are a very real thing. You’ve been warned.

I guess what I’m trying to say is… Girlies… you are loved. A lot. Like a whole bunch. Like so much that sometimes I wonder if you’ll ever understand HOW MUCH you’re loved by us. Or if you'll be ruined by it all. But the truth is we love being your parents. Every second. Every sleepless night. Every giggle. Every fever. Every walk. Every “Baba” & “Dadee.” Every bath time. You are thoroughly and completely loved & we count it a privilege to be your parents (even during the terrible twos)... Such a joy.

Happy two's my two little ones!

Much love,