September

September is an interesting month for me. I love it because Fall starts to show its face and it's a good month for transitions... but in the past three years a lot of important events have happened in the month of September that really cause me to reflect and get introspective. Poor sweet husband has had to endure my random tears this month because I think September has been hitting me hard this year. I recognize that September is a month of grieving for many families affected by September 11th, so I feel somewhat trivial verbalizing my grief, but it is real nonetheless and it can't be ignored - no matter how much I try. So I just want to prep you. Most of my blog entries are upbeat and positive - but there might be a few with a more reflective tone this month.

I plan on telling a couple stories on the influence of the three events (that occurred in September) in the past three years that have greatly shaped my life over the next few weeks. 1 was the most beautiful choice I ever made: to marry the Mister. And the other two were tragic losses of precious people who influenced me greatly.

Today I held a newborn baby of a sweet friend, and as I drove away from the hospital I thought of the beauty of life. How we are born into this world, sweet gifts of joy to our parents, and when we leave this world, what great loss it is on those closest to us. I thought about my Mimi who, in just a few weeks, will have overcome her first year as a widow. I thought about my sweet friend Janet's family and how this year will be the third anniversary of her death. How since then, one of her sisters got married, how I got married, how our lives have moved on but are still changed by her.

I found this picture the other night while unpacking and was so moved to realize that only 3 people in this picture are still alive. I thought about how the 1 lady married, when this pic was taken, is now widowed and how the single ladies, when this pic was taken, who are still living are now married. I thought about the irony. But then I thought about how God, in His infinite mercy, is still good - even in death - and will one day make all things new.

I'm starting to wonder if perhaps I'm just a late processor and am just now going through the stages of grief, but if I was honest with myself and honest with you, I think this September is hitting me hard, but in a good way. Although i get sad and have moments of tears, I also have a lot of moments of sheer joy remembering our wedding last year. Gosh I loved our wedding (no worries there will be an anniversary post with Life Stage Films and Braun Photography goodness).  And I know that if Janet and Papaw had been there they would've loved it too. And I know that if they could see where I am now, if they could've met the Mister, they would have loved him and been so excited for us. And that just makes me really happy.

So yeah. I thought about keeping all this to myself, but I'm a fan of community and vulnerability... even if its awkward or even if its via the blogosphere. If I kept it from you I think I'd feel like this blog was a show, a production, full of only the appearances of happiness and not true joys and sorrows. And I want this blog to be real. So there you have it.

I love September and I love working through the multitude of my September emotions - even though sometimes it's hard.

Much love to you all. I hope you spend the weekend with people you love. And don't be afraid to tell how much you love them either. ;)

Posted on September 8, 2011 and filed under Family, Ordinary Life, Spiritual Journey.