Well our girls have been in the NICU now for 2 weeks! It's hard to believe it's been that long, yet on the other hand it feels like forever. They are back up to their birth weights and then some! Noel is 3 lbs and 14 oz and Felicity is 3 lbs 12 oz. We were very excited. Also, when I walked into the room this morning I was pleasantly surprised to see that they had been removed from their isolettes and were sleeping happily in their own "big girl beds" as we like to refer to them!
They're holding their temperature like champs so this mama was a happy woman. So the girls are doing really well... but that's not really what this post is about.
We frequently get asked " So how are you doing?" and to be honest, it's pretty hard to be honest. So we usually smile, state that we have so much to be thankful for (which is SO true) and smile our way through the convo until I can get out of sight long enough not to have a hormonal breakdown in public or on some sweet nurse in the parking lot. But the truth is, I cry a lot these days. For one, I'm hormonal. Second, I really don't think there is anything in this world that can prepare you to be NICU mom. As thankful as we are for the wonderful NICU staff, it's torture leaving those girls at the hospital every night. We're starting our 3rd week, and probably have about 2 more weeks more and again, we're so thankful, but I'm ready to bring my babies home.
The truth is - this is hard.
It's hard walking into the hospital each day, seeing new moms being wheeled to their cars with their new babies as you prepare yourself to walk into a room and find who knows what, and you'll be walking out of that room hours later leaving your babies behind. Plus you never know what you'll find when you walk in that morning. The nursery could be calm or it could be chaos. You might be able to bring your food in one day, and the next day the staff is more strict and you have to leave your babies to go eat. You could walk in and your babies could be moved, in a different room, with different nurses, with different cords, different feeding schedule, and so you learn each day to adjust in order to care for them. Then you leave, begrudgingly, and go home and pump every 3 hrs not to babies' cries, but instead to an alarm clock. And don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining, I'm just being honest about this. This is hard. And we're doing great, really, we're doing great - but this is hard and there are a lot of tears on my end.
And I am so thankful, we know that we have many friends who have lost children or are unable to conceive and would give anything for the blessings we've been given, so please do not think we're complaining. I'm just being honest. So for those of you who have asked... we are so blessed and thankful, but this is difficult. But difficulty isn't a bad thing; it's a part of our story and our girls' beginning, but it's not a bad thing. It gives a lot of opportunity for growth.
Our girls are doing great. We are doing great and are so thankful as well! But as I've said in previous posts, this blog isn't a place for only the "pretty" things in life - but it's a place for me to be honest and capture life: the good, the bad, and the messy. So tonight as I go to bed, after a night of crying for no reason off and on, I am a thankful mama. Thankful - but hormonal. And that's the honest truth on how I'm doing.