Noel & Felicity, You are three months old now, beautiful and growing, yet oh so small. Felicity we took you to the doctor last week and you were still only 7 lbs. 8 oz. and Noel, although you're bigger it's only by a half a pound or so. I've been meaning to write to you throughout this process, but needless to say you both have kept me on my toes. :)
One day, when you're older, I pray you'll read these letters and know that you have been and always will be oh so loved. I'm not going to lie, there is a part of me that knows that life is short and unpredictable, and if by chance the good Lord decides to take me home before you can know my love, I want to at least capture bits in pieces of it in word. Obviously, my prayer is to be able to watch you grow up, bicker with you during your teenage years, and see you transform into a woman, a wife, and mother. But one never knows what the future holds, and if I didn't leave you with at least letters, I would regret it. And if God does grant me my desire for a long and healthy life, I look forward to giving these letters to you one day. So periodically on this blog, as a discipline, I will write to you.
Oh girls, these past few months have been quite the adventure. I pray one day you'll know the joy of having children, because it really has been a joy. Don't get me wrong, you two are sweet, but you're also divas. You and those "wabbanubs" (your animal pacis) are inseparable and if by chance you pull it out of your mouth or it falls out... the world has ended and your dad and I rush to plug you back up. I think the first few weeks after we brought you home from the NICU I spent the majority of my time sticking those darn pacis back in your mouths. So much so that we tried to ween you off of them, and were almost successful until you developed reflux and the doctor said sucking pacis helped... so alas, we caved. And the four of you were reunited.
You are too sweet though. The three of us have plenty of snuggle time together and I must confess, it is my favorite. You were always great at holding your heads up, even when you were barely over 3lbs in the NICU. I love it when I'm holding you both in the rocker and you both hold your heads up to look at me and just stare. It truly melts my heart. You're starting to sleep better now too, but those first few months I rarely slept. I usually spent my nights rocking one of you to sleep, and then rocking the other. But during these moments you need to know that you were prayed over repeatedly. I would pray that God would keep you healthy, and that you two would grow up loving one another dearly. I'd pray that your sisterly bond wouldn't be broken throughout your lives. But most importantly I prayed that God would call you to himself one day. I prayed that you wouldn't merely be religious, but that you would have a zealous love for His word and His church. I prayed that He would keep you from too much heartbreak and from the pain of this world. Now I know that you will experience both heartbreak and pain, but you can't blame a mom for asking. I just pray that I am always close enough to hold your hand, or offer words of encouragement during these moments.
You need to know that your pregnancy and delivery were abnormally horrible, but that you were worth every minute of that pain. I remember holding you for the first time; sadly it wasn't until 2 days after you were born until I could hold you both at the same time. But I remember it oh so well. Little tubes and wires everywhere, and you were perfect. I remember looking at you both thinking, "My goodness, they are beautiful." And I've thought that every day of your lives ever since.
It is kind of freaky how much you look alike, yet I can see differences. Noel, you look like my side of the family. When you smile or furrow your brow, you look like your Uncle Matt and Papaw. And Felicity, you look like your Uncle Whit and Granddaddy JT. It is amazing. And for the record, I've said that from the time you were born and people thought I was crazy. But now, folks are starting to see it too.
I am loving this newborn phase of your lives, babygirls. It's been longer than most since you were 9 weeks early. And although it does come with a few cons (ie. little to no sleep for months...), its pros are even better. I got 9 extra weeks of the super cuddly extra small phase, and I've loved every second of it.
You need to know that aside from marrying your dad, you are my greatest joys in life. Even now, I cannot fathom life without you. It is an absolute joy to be your mom and to care for you - and I pray that one day you get to experience these joys, these sweet moments of motherhood yourselves. You both are gifts from God and I can't wait to see what the next phase holds and how your little personalities blossom and explode.
You will always and forever be my daughters, and I will always and forever love you.